Family Bonds

Over her ninety-odd years of life, Sa'yest Silentclaw of the Light Clan had experienced her fair share of betrayals, back-stabbings, and heart break. She had developed, what she considered, a healthy detachment from the emotional turmoil of the world around her. Shorter lived creatures, like humans, tended to do everything to extremes. Loving, hating, fighting, making up, everything had to be dramatic. As a younger drasis, she'd shared in this fiery desire to turn everyday situations into theatrical productions. She supposed she should be thankful to her younger self in some regard. That passion had led to her splitting from her birth clan and joining her mother and mentor in the creation of the singular clan that pushed back against the bloody history of her kind. Now she had a home, a family, and acceptance while the majority of her kin skulked around in forests to the south or else rotted away on the prison world of Sistarrist Drakan.

The problem, she'd found, was that in tamping down her emotional response to situations, she also limited her ability to deal with their impact. When she loved, she loved deeply. When she hurt, the ache of it persisted long after what humans referred to as a "grieving period." So it was that even years later, the mention of her dead mate, Savaren, still drove a stake through her heart.

"Sa'yest, did you hear me?" Reanne asked. The tan dragonness turned her head and regarded the drasis at her side with a quizzical expression.

"I did," Sa'yest responded quickly, neutrally. She kept her features as smooth as stone while inside her emotions roiled. "I was not expecting you to have moved on from Savaren so quickly."

"Quickly?" Reanne stopped and turned to face Sa'yest. The spear at her side hit the ground with a sound thunk, as if to emphasize her bewilderment at the drasis' statement. Reanne planted her free hand on her hip and leaned down so that her head was almost at a level with Sa'yest. "It's been years since we lost him. Also, I resent the implication that I'm just tossing aside the memory of him. He was my bond. My heart. The first mind I touched when I hatched. Losing him was like losing a piece of my soul, but I'm not going to spend the rest of my life in mourning. I want to feel whole again."

"And you believe a hatchling will accomplish that," Sa'yest stated. It was not a question, but there was an edge of incredulity to her voice. Despite having lived at the Warren for decades and being on the "potential candidate" list for just as long, Sa'yest had never understood the need to tie one's life so inextricably to another. All she had ever seen of bonding was the hurt it caused when that bond inevitably broke.

"I believe moving on will accomplish that. I want a partner. Whether that's through a hatchling to raise the way you raised me or a mate, I want someone in my life who will always have my back."

"Am I not enough?"

Reanne drew her head back and drew in a deep breath at the same time. She shook her head, causing her chunky brown hair to flop around her cheeks.

"It's not the same and you know it's not. You're like a mother to me. No, you are my mother. Yet you've never let me call you that."

"Your mother is a dragonness on Lantessama Isle."

"You raised me," Reanne reiterated with emphasis. "After Savaren died, you were all I had. I love you, but we've never had a bond like what I had with Savaren."

"I would ask you to stop saying his name." Sa'yest didn't intend the words to come out so sharp. It was illogical that the sound of his name upset her so much. Yet no matter how true that statement was, every reminder of him sent a sharp pain coursing through her heart.

"See? This is exactly my point. I've never been able to talk about him with you. I was never allowed to grieve with you. I don't want to be stuck like this for the rest of my life, never moving on."

"Time has passed. I have moved on."

Reanne lifted a clawed finger and pointed it at Sa'yest's nose.

"You haven't. You're still stuck on that last argument you had with him and will be for the rest of your life if you don't deal with it." She paused and straightened up once more. When she spoke next, her voice took on a steely certainty. "His name was Savaren. He wasn't perfect, but he was my bond. He's gone and we're still here. I will never forget him, but I also won't live my life in the shadow of his memory. I asked you to come with me to register as a candidate because I wanted your support but if that's too hard for you then… well… then I'll do it on my own." Reanne paused again, eyeing Sa'yest as if she expected a protest. Then she let out a short huff of air and turned away. "I'll see you back at the den later."

For a few long seconds, Sa'yest could do nothing but watch Reanne's retreating back as the bipedal dragonness strode away from her. Sometime in the last twenty years, she'd grown up. Had Sa'yest really missed it? She could still picture Reanne as the fledgling she'd once been, so eager to learn how to properly wield her spear while still sorting out how to deal with her feet. She'd still been a fledgling when Savaren had died. They'd never had the chance to fly together. Fight together. Grow together.

So many things had been left unfinished when Savaren passed. The memory of those last few days were like broken glass in her mind; all jagged edges and missing pieces. She didn't want to think on those memories because she didn't want to remember the unresolved arguments and the hurtful words never withdrawn.

He'd been pulling away from her for weeks before the final blowup. Little disagreements kept piling up that never mattered enough to resolve. Then there was the one big thing that did matter. He wanted to give the clans an ultimatum; repent or die. She wanted to leave the choice of allegiance in their hands. It would not stop her from striking down her former clan members and kin on the battlefield, but she had no desire to hunt them down outside of combat.

Then came the day of that fateful skirmish. So many people lost their lives during the war. He was just another statistic, and yet his death had robbed her of so much. More than the break from her birth clan. More than any other death she'd witnessed. She'd shared a piece of herself with Savaren that she'd never shared with anyone else and when he died, he took that piece with him.

But Reanne remained. She remained. He ceased to orbit her life and yet she was not allowed to just stop existing like he had. Reanne had needed her then, like she needed her now.

Sa'yest drew in a deep, steadying breath and hurried to catch up to the dragonness. She didn't say a word as she fell into step beside her, but she caught sight of a flash of a toothy grin spreading across Reanne's face.

Much about the Warren had changed since Sa'yest first came to it decades ago. No one simply sought out a search rider and demanded to be searched anymore. Now there was a process. There was paperwork and a protocol and wait times. Sa'yest herself was still technically under consideration. Which, she supposed, was a good thing. She didn't think she had the patience to deal with today's system.

To begin, they had to report to the registrar's office to submit an application for consideration. The office was a regular, dragon-sized den located on the interior of the colossal cavern. Instead of the standard issue dragon bed and furnishings, it had been split in half by a long counter. On one side, people lined up to approach the counter. On the other, various clerks and officers bustled back and forth between numerous book shelves to deposit or withdraw various scrolls. A riot of colourful flits darted about the ceiling overhead, filling the room with their high-pitched chatter and flutter of their wings. Occasionally, a few would dive down to retrieve bound scrolls to carry off to other parts of the Warren or drop off new ones. The whole place was a mess of chaotic energy that instantly put the drasis on high alert.

"This is disorganized," Sa'yest muttered under her breath.

"This is organized. It's just a lot of different organization types all at once," Reanne quipped back. Then she too lowered her voice. It's a defensive nightmare if anyone happens to breach the walls though."

Sa'yest snorted in response.

"Best to close off the room and control combat in the halls."

"Close combat in the halls is no one's first choice."

"No, but it is easier to manage than panicking civilians."

"Why is it every time I see you, you're planning an assault?" Said a voice from behind them.

Sa'yest turned and looked down to see a small, slight woman with a streak of blue in her blonde hair and the tips of elven ears poking through the strands glaring at her. In her arms, a pale, shimmery hatchling covered in fur as soft as down peered up at her with open curiosity.

"Ayzha," Sa'yest said. "I was not planning an assault. I was assessing the security of this room."

"In the heart of the Warren? If we ever have enemies breach this deep, then we've already lost," Ayzha snarked back.

"It is possible to launch an assault from within," Sa'yest countered.

"Yes but-" Ayzha paused and shook her head. "I'm not having this debate with you. It always ends with me being even more wary of turning my back on you."

"I have sworn allegiance to the Warren, Lanutha, and our monarchs. My loyalty should not come into question."

"No, but your social skills do. And coming from me, that doesn't say anything good about you." Ayzha leaned to the side to look past Sa'yest. "Look, I didn't come here to chat. I need to get her registered."

Sa'yest looked down at the opalescent white hatchling with her mane of fluffy fur. The hatchling stared back at her, unbothered.

"Is this a new bond?" Sa'yest asked.

"No," Ayzha snapped immediately, as if the thought of bonding a dragon beyond her Kaurynel offended her. "She's Kaurynel's offspring. This is one of the few that didn't bond and opted to come home with us."

"I see."

"Maybe the right person wasn't there," Reanne cut in.

"Or perhaps she recognized the inefficiency of bonding." Sa'yest cast a look at the bipedal dragon over her shoulder. She did not miss Reanne's eye roll.

::It is rude to cast dispersions on why I did or did not bond when we have not been formally introduced. I have my reasons for not choosing a bond when my siblings did. For now, I am only interested in learning and growing with my family.::

Sa'yest stared at the small dragon, at once intrigued and surprised by her eloquence. A shadow of shame coloured her thoughts as well. She was no stranger to being called out on her anti-social behaviour, but to be called rude was an affront to her carefully cultivated etiquette."

"My apologies," she said. "I am Sa'yest of the Light Clan. This is Reanne."

"Her daughter," Reanne added pointedly.

"Not by blood."

::That is most obvious,:: the little hatchling said, her threads as placid as a windless lake. ::But family is not made by blood. My name is I'zaythel ty Neluath Alamyr.::

"A pleasure to meet you. And thank you," Reanne said, bowing her head to I'zaythel. She cast a sidelong look at Sa'yest as she straightened up. "Some people are less educated on the subject of family."

::Family is defined by one's comfort and connection. Ayzha is as much my family as my mother.::

"Ayzha is also tired of standing here holding you. Let's go." Before they left, the elven women looked up at Sa'yest and gave her a curt nod. "Sa'yest. Reanne."

"Nice chatting," Reanne said.

Sa'yest said nothing, but continued to watch Ayzha walk off with the white hatchling in her arms until they reached the front of the line. Something about the little one's boldness spoke to her.

"Sa'yest, the line's moved up," Reanne called.

Sa'yest wrenched her attention away from Ayzha and I'zaythel. She had come here for Reanne, after all. Not to meet a* decidedly brash little dragon who felt the need to call her out so openly. Confusion roiled inside her, mixed with the unease from her discussion with Reanne earlier. She took the whole mess of emotions, bound them together, and squashed them down like so much garbage to be buried. Then she followed in the footsteps of her not-daughter toward the front desk.

*

A few days later, thoughts of I'zaythel had not left her. Sa'yest found herself ruminating on her life with Reanne and what it would mean if the dragonness ever left their shared den.

Undoubtedly, she wanted to. She was a grown dragon now, and she deserved to live her own life. She was already making noise about moving into her own den. This should not have bothered Sa'yest. They were not family.

And yet they were.

Family was defined by one's comfort and connection. That was what I'zaythel had said. She'd called Ayzha family, though she had no blood bond to her. Sa'yest was comfortable with Reanne. She enjoyed her company. They were family, and yet she resisted the dragonness' desire to call her mother. All the while, Sa'yest knew that she herself was not blood bound to her own mother.

The persistence of these thoughts and her own inability to control their emergence finally drove Sa'yest to a breaking point. It was not enough to simply keep ignoring them. She needed to consult someone on how to rid herself of them, and there was only one person whom she held in high enough regard to help her with that task.

Sa'yest let herself into the Light Clan's personal barracks. Only members of their clan were allowed within this section of the Warren. It was not guarded or locked or otherwise restricted to the general populous, but the mere knowledge that this was where one might find the highest concentration of former murderers and assassins seemed to be enough to keep outsiders at bay.

The main room of the barracks was an open, undecorated space. One side of the wide room held a collection of mismatched chairs and sofas, while the other was adorned with counters and cutting surfaces to allow them to prepare their own meals. There were no windows into this space. No colourful tapestries up on the walls as it was with other areas of the Warren. The stone floor was bare, the torches were simple, smokeless pillars attached to the walls, and the ceiling lacked any adornments save a few lonely stalactites. It was a utilitarian place for a utilitarian species, and the moment Sa'yest stepped through the doorway, she felt a familiar wave of calm settling over her shoulders. Unfortunately, it did not reach her mind.

In the corner of the room, lounging in one of the well-worn and scratch-marked chairs, sat a blue woman. Her wings curled over the arms of the chair, laying across the floor like discarded blankets. A tail tipped in fins all down its long, rip-cord length ticked a steady rhythm against the side of the chair. In her clawed hands, she held a book. At Sa'yest's entrance, she looked up from her reading and smiled.

"Why have I never called you mother?" Sa'yest demanded as she approached the woman.

Illiauna, leader of the Light Clan and Sa'yest's adoptive mother, drew in a deep breath, held it a moment, then let it out.

"My dearest, Sa'yest, you continue to have all the subtly of a landslide. What is this about?"

"You have been my parent for as long as I can remember. Even before we left the Bloodclaw clan. You raised me, and yet I have never called you mother. Why was I not permitted to do so?"

Illiauna's smile quivered at the corners. With slow, deliberate motions, she closed the book and set it on the arm of the chair beside her.

"Let's be absolutely clear, child of mine. I have never put unnecessary restrictions on you. Every time I have held you back from a job or else shot down your suggestions, it's because I had good reason to. The one thing I have never done is restrict your freedom to build connections as you pleased. You chose not to call me mother. I never told you not to."

"But I-" Sa'yest paused, frowned, then sat down in a chair beside Illiauna. It was true that throughout the entirety of their relationship, she had never referred to Illiauna as her mother. This was ingrained in her as law. She distinctly recalled being young and getting reprimanded for practicing words she'd over heard in human settlements. Such as "mother" and "father." She recalled being afraid of further punishment, and so she'd abandoned the words and marked them as off limits in her mind.

Yet as she went through her memories, as she recalled the years prior to the Light clan, before Illiauna had vanished from the Bloodclaws, she could not think of a single instance in which Illiauna had been the one to chastise her. Certainly, they'd had fights over the years, but this had not been one of them.

"It was Regalis, wasn't it?" Sa'yest asked in a small voice.

Regalis, the man who sat in the place of "father" in her mind. The towering figure of red skin and disapproving scowls that loomed like a demon throughout her memories.

"It was," Illiauna confirmed.

"Why did you never tell me I could call you mother?"

"Because I wanted you to make that choice on your own."

"But I didn't even know it was a choice I could make. It was forbidden."

Illiauna let out another slow, deep breath and shifted in her seat to lean closer to Sa'yest.

"I am sorry for my part in your childhood, Sa'yest. I have always loved you dearly, but I didn't always make the right choices. Regalis was… a decidedly bad choice. But by the time I realized that, it was too late."

"So you left. You abandoned me," Sa'yest said, her voice turning flat. She could no longer meet Illiauna's eyes, but sat forward in her chair, staring at the ground.

"It was never my intention to abandon you. I tried to take you with me, but Regalis almost killed me for it."

"He told me he did kill you."

"I know."

"And when we found out you were alive, he sent me to kill you."

"I know."

For a long while after Illiauna's last word, silence dominated the room. Sa'yest stared at the ground, lost in the emotions and memories she'd buried for years. She hadn't meant to get into them, but her mind was like quicksand. The moment she stepped onto that terrain, she lost her footing.

Regalis had dominated her life from a young age, always pushing her to be better, stronger, faster, hungrier. He'd started taking her on jobs before she'd even learned to fly. He'd held her hand to guide the knife toward a target's throat. He'd praised her for her bloodthirsty streak. He had been the god that ruled her life.

Even now, years after his death, years after rediscovering her lost mentor and turning to the Light clan, his rules and his structure still dictated so much of how she behaved. It was illogical. The man was no threat to her anymore. Yet there he was, ruling her thoughts all the same.

A soft touch on her shoulder pulled Sa'yest out of her spiralling thoughts. She looked over at Illiauna.

When had she aged so much? When had those lines crept in around her eyes and over her brow? When had her cobalt hair lightened and taken on white streaks? And had she always looked at Sa'yest with that pity in her eyes?

"There is a lot here that we need to talk about, but I'd like to know what started this? You've been adamant about not even mentioning his name for so long. Why now?"

Sa'yest looked away. That black fog of shame crept into her thoughts again. She started to push it down, to neutralize her thoughts, and then stopped.

"I've been fighting with Reanne," Sa'yest said at length. "She wishes to become a candidate for bonding. She has been talking about leaving the den to travel to other worlds."

"That's good, isn't it?" Illiauna asked. "She's grown now."

"Yes," Sa'yest said. More words sat on her tongue, but refused to come out. She drew in a breath, then another, before finally finding the courage to expel them. "I am… afraid."

"Of what?"

"Losing her."

There was that twinge of pity tugging at the edge of Illiauna's mouth again. It mocked her. Called her out for being weak.

No, that was the ghost of Regalis in her mind. She could see it now, as if a glamour had been lifted from her eyes. He was every negative thought, every knee-jerk fear of being seen as less than perfect.

"Why do you think you're losing her?"

"Because I never let her call me mother. I never… I haven't bonded with her. Not as in a dragon bonds a rider but…"

"As a child bonds a parent."

Sa'yest said nothing and nodded her head.

"Sa'yest, my sweet girl, I love you and I am proud of you, but I think you know that I'm not the one you should be talking to right now. When you're ready, I'll be here." Illiauna patted her arm. The touch was light and gentle and all the things that Sa'yest sought to erase from her life.

Sa'yest put her head in her hands and focused on her breathing. There was too much in her head to process. When had it gotten so crowded? Where were all these feelings coming from? She kept pushing them down, only for others to pop up again. Everything felt too close and too hot and too fast, but Illiauna was right. She needed to deal with these immediate thoughts that wouldn't leave her in peace.

Sa'yest stood then, once more wrangling her thoughts under control. She waited a moment until she was certain no specter of her past was about to rear up and completely undo her control once more, and then she looked down at Illiauna. At her mother.

"I will return later. To talk. Mother," she said haltingly.

Illiauna smiled, and there was no trace of pity in her eyes this time.

"I'll be here," she said again.

Sa'yest nodded. She remained stock still for a moment, processing the thrill of excitement saying that solitary word had brought her, and then turned. In a few short strides, she was at the door. She looked back once to see Illiauna still smiling at her, and smiled in return. All of these feelings were alien and frightening, and yet for the first time, she wanted to feel them.

*

It didn't take long for Sa'yest to reach the den she shared with Reanne. While most riders now lived in the cavernous halls of New Warren, she was established enough to remain in the Warren. That, and this was where the drasis lived; far away from the majority of the population.

When she entered the den, she found Reanne practicing her spear form. The dragonness moved with the grace of a dancer, each movement flowing fluidly into the next. The tip of her spear dipped and dove, thrust and withdrew, as if leading her through the steps. It wasn't until the dragonness spotted Sa'yest that the waltz came to an abrupt end.

"What?" Reanne demanded, flipping the spear around to thud the butt into the ground. Her tone was short, her brows lowered. She was still spoiling for a fight. "Are you going to try to talk me out of leaving again?"

"No," Sa'yest said quickly. "I would like to talk to you though."

"Then talk," Reanne said. Lifting the spear, she began her formation movements all over again.

For a few seconds, Sa'yest simply watched. She remembered the days where Reanne hadn't been able to do more than wildly flail the spear in random directions. Now, her form was perfect. Exactly as she had taught her.

"I don't know who my birth mother is," Sa'yest blurted. Her brain came to an abrupt halt, examining the words she hadn't expected to say. She found them to be accurate and, while surprising, not ill placed for this discussion. "Nor do I know my birth father. Both were dead before I could form memories. I was raised by a man who treated me as a weapon rather than a child. Illiauna, my mother," that word still tasted odd on her tongue, "vanished when I was still very young. I knew family only in the sense of who I was permitted to use to achieve my goals. All of this to say that I never learned how to be part of a family. Savaren… I realize now he wanted a family and a safe place for us to raise one. It was not… I didn't know how to deal with that at the time."

By the time Sa'yest stopped speaking, Reanne had abandoned her formation. She stared at the drasis with open curiosity, spear held at rest at her side.

"So have you figured it out now?" Reanne asked.

"No," Sa'yest said, realizing that she had resolved none of the chaos in her head or her heart. She stared at her hands as if expecting the answer to materialize there in her palms. When it did not, she looked up at Reanne. "But I'm starting to try. I called Illiauna mother for the first time today."

A faint smile pulled up the edges of Reanne's muzzle.

"How did that feel?" She asked.

"Good," Sa'yest replied. And then, "If you would like, I would like you to call me mother."

"Can I go with mom?"

The word jumped at her, sharp and biting. It didn't fit inside the precise box which she'd constructed for her life. Perhaps it was time to take down the walls. Sa'yest smiled and cleared her throat.

"You may call me… mom."

Reanne's smile grew wider, revealing the tips of pointed teeth beneath her tan scales. Then it smoothed into neutrality.

"Can we talk about Savaren now?" She asked.

Sa'yest drew in a breath, held it, then let it out slowly while nodding.

"Very well. Let's talk. As a family."

*

The following day, Sa'yest felt more drained than she did after her most taxing work outs. Her head and heart hurt, but it was a good hurt. It was the hurt of a muscle long disused suddenly getting the exercise it needed.

Reanne was still set on travelling the Nexus, but that thought no longer stuck in her chest like a needle. Sa'yest knew that Reanne would explore as she needed, but return home when she was done. They may not share a den forever, but they would always be family.

As for Illiauna, their talk had lasted long into the night. They covered everything from Sa'yest's childhood to the break from the Bloodclaw clan and Illiauna's reasons for leaving. She even spoke of Sa'yest's parents.

Sa'yest had names for them now; Samina and Fayest. They were, according to Illiauna, great warriors and great friends. To Sa'yest, they were still strangers, but that was a problem to be addressed at a later date. Illiauna had many stories yet to share, and Sa'yest found herself willing to listen now.

Though content with the changes she'd enacted in her life, there was one thread left untended. So as soon as she was able that day, Sa'yest navigated her way to Ayzha's den in New Warren. She waited patiently for the elven woman to answer her knock, then promptly informed her that she was here to see her bond.

"I would like to spend time with your daughter," Sa'yest announced to Kaurynel.

A beat of silence followed during which Kaurynel stared at her as if she'd sprouted feathers and started clucking like a chicken.

"Yeah, bonding does sound creepy when you say it out loud," Ayzha quipped from behind her.

"I am not here to bond her. I simply wish to speak to her for a time," Sa'yest retorted.

I'zaythel sat between her mother's forepaws. She looked up at her mother, and for a time, no one spoke in the den. No doubt there was an entire conversation happening through telepathic threads that Sa'yest was not partial to.

"Very well. We'll go to the flight fields. You can walk together and I will watch," Kaurynel said. The fire opal dragonness unwound herself from her dragon bed, keeping her shoulders low while I'zaythel scrambled up to her back.

"You guys have fun. I'm staying here," Ayzha said. She waved them off as Sa'yest followed Kaurynel to the dragon ledge.

Ayzha's den, like so many in New Warren, opened directly out onto the side of the mountain. She had one of the higher dens, affording her a breathtaking vantage looking down at the valley and the Warren below. Green covered everything these days. A layer of moss softened the stone of the ledge. Trees marched in haphazard formation down the side of the mountain. Vines twisted into nets across the top of the Warren and draped over every branch, every protruding rock, and every moderate slope. Through it all, sparkling like gemstones in a field of emeralds, sprouted flowers of wildly varying colours.

No matter how long she lived here or how jaded she became, Sa'yest would never stop appreciating the majesty of this place.

Kaurynel spread her wings and looked back at Sa'yest. The drasis spread her own, instantly feeling the touch of the wind as it caught in her sails. Together they dropped from the ledge and soared out over the mountainous slope. Trees whipped past beneath them. Birds darted around them, quickly changing course if they found themselves in the path of the two flyers.

As the pair of them approached the flight fields, a wide open grassy plain spread out in front of the Warren, a number of colourful, moving dots resolved themselves into other dragons. Some practiced maneuvers with their riders. Some playfully ran about the field. Others had claimed the low stones outside the entrances of the Warren to spread out and bask themselves on beneath the glaring noonday sun.

Kaurynel veered toward one of the stones that had not been claimed yet and landed a short distance away from it. She lowered her shoulder to allow I'zaythel to hop down, then sauntered over to the flat rock and threw herself down with a pleased sigh. Sa'yest landed a short distance away and waited for the dragonness to settle herself before approaching the little white hatchling.

::Hello again,:: I'zaythel greeted her with the soft, mental touch of new fallen snow.

"Hello, I'zaythel. Thank you for agreeing to speak to me," Sa'yest said.

::I find you to be interesting. I also wished to speak to you.::

This revelation momentarily interrupted Sa'yest's planned inquiry. She knew why she found the little hatchling interesting, but she hadn't considered that the feeling might be mutual. She inclined her head in acknowledgement, then motioned toward the field.

"Will you walk with me?"

I'zaythel gamely stood up and began to waddle ahead of Sa'yest. The drasis was forced to shorten her steps and reign in her speed in order to not immediately pass the hatchling. After a few steps, she found a rhythm and found the pace relaxing.

"I understand that social etiquette demands small talk when getting to know someone new," Sa'yest said.

::I dislike small talk. I find it inefficient.::

Sa'yest's regard for the little dragon grew.

"I as well. Then allow me to get to my purpose. The other day you called Ayzha family. You only just met her. Regardless of her bond to your mother, she is a stranger to you. How are you so confident as to know she is your family?"

::I knew her through my mother. I knew that my mother loved her and trusted her, and so she became someone that I loved and trusted. I see it as a simple progression.:: I'zaythel arched her neck back to look up at the towering drasis striding beside her.

Sa'yest inclined her head again, digesting this new information.

"And yet you felt no urge to bond? Not to her or another?"

::A bond is a lifelong commitment. As much as I love my mother and Ayzha, I wish to build my own life eventually. That means building my own connections.::

"You could have done that by bonding as your siblings did."

::It's different. I know my mother, and through her I know Ayzha. I would like to know my bond before I bond them. I understand this is unorthodox, but I didn't feel an immediate draw as many of my siblings did. As I thought on it, I realized that I didn't want a fated connection. I wanted a real one. So I will wait and build a bond through knowledge and experience.::

Sa'yest allowed the words to settle into her mind and absorb into the soil of her new outlook on family life. This little dragon had so much wisdom already. She knew things that Sa'yest with her nine decades was still trying to sort out. She also realized that the logic of needing to build a bond was what had kept her from seeking out clutches to stand at when the offer was made to her over the years. She didn't want to connect herself to someone she didn't know. She wanted something with a foundation.

::I would like to ask a question of you now,:: I'zaythel said. At a nod from Sa'yest, she continued. ::The other day, there seemed to be some tension between you and the dragonness who introduced herself as your daughter. I noticed that you are particularly interested in discussing family with me. Do you not see her as your family?::

"I do," Sa'yest replied quickly, "but I have struggled with the concept for many years. I have come to realize that I have, perhaps, developed attachment issues." She paused and looked down at the hatchling. "And I have you to thank for helping me acknowledge these issues."

A quick, bright smile spread across the hatchling's muzzle.

::I am happy to have helped.::

Sa'yest smiled in turn and stopped walking. They'd travelled some distance from Kaurynel by then, but not out of sight. She admired the way the fire opal dragonness could look so relaxed, and yet perpetually aware of where her hatchling stood. Sa'yest had always been aware of Reanne's movements, always cognizant of how far from the den she travelled or what she needed, but she had never attributed that awareness to love before. She loved Reanne. She loved her daughter.

Sa'yest crouched down to be closer to eye level with I'zaythel.

"Thank you for speaking with me today, I'zaythel. I enjoy your company. If you are amenable to the idea, I would like to walk with you again sometime."

::I would like that as well,:: I'zaythel said.

It was not a bond. It was not even the suggestion of a bond, but it was an offer of building a connection that sent a tiny thrill through Sa'yest's chest. Whatever came next, through Reanne's move and Illiauna's stories and I'zaythel's chats, the experience of emotions would be part of it. And this time, Sa'yest would not ignore them.